Without meaning to, I was brought into meditation tonight. I found myself running as hard as I could up the street in darkness, to my Twin Flames house. Steady, determined….my feet hitting the pavement in the moonlight, like a mantra in my soul. …..Fuck Ing PissEd….Fuck Ing PissEd…Fuck Ing PissEd… the bottoms of my shoes chanted, as I turned the corner of the block towards his driveway.

I beat on his front door, panting and breathless. He opens it and I shove him straight in the chest, as hard as I can. “COWARD!” I scream. I feel my eyes blazing and he looks at me, in bewilderment. “Your… A…. COWARD!” I pantingly yell again, and move towards him. He instantly wraps me up and wrestles me to the ground. Normally we would do this for fun….in actual reality. When we were together, it was entertaining and playful. Not this time.

He pins me and positions me right away so I can’t move. A true wrestlers death hold. My face pressed on the cold tile of his entry way, I scream and cry. A really hard ugly cry. and Scream some more. Loud and Painful. As if my heart is being ripped away from my physical body. Blood curdling.

My arms tied up in his behind my back, his breath is in my left ear. “Kelsey. Stop!….. STOP. Kelsey…… KEL SEY!” Im wrapped up belly down like a backwards pretzel, tears streaming onto the floor. Convulsing in the hold, energy so powerful radiating from my body, how could I possibly be immobile…. My pain powering out like I was cut straight at the jugular. I can see it flowing out of me like a murder scene.

It takes a few minutes, but I calm down and start to relax in his grip. The screaming and tears stop and my breath stabilizes. He slowly releases me and scoots away. I can feel the cold pool of water under my cheek. I gain composure, and push myself up to standing. Straightening my hair and clothes, I turn and walk into his kitchen, sniffling. He stands up after me and doesn’t say a word. I turn to the liquor cabinet and get out two whiskey glasses, etitched with “G” for his family name. “Drink?” I ask him.

“Ah, sure.” He says. “SO…….What…. was that?” He asks.

“Oh, That?..” I sort of laugh, pouring. “THAT?…….THAT _ _ _ _ _ (his name) THAT …is what you call, frustration.”

“Huh…” He says, nonchalantly.

I hand him his drink. We nod our heads at each other, raise our glasses, and cheers.

I come out of meditation.

Kelsey